Jeffery Brown could learn a thing or two from Fleetwood Mac. When their ever-classic masterpiece Rumors was reissued in 2013, it came with over 2 hours of bonus material including unearthed outtakes and early demos of every song on the record. At its best, the extras underscore the fact that Rumors did not hatch as a pristine whole. At its worst, the bells and whistles are just that: obnoxious incentives that only appeal to the most diehard of fans; but at least you get the original 39 minute album in its remastered entirety.
Such a caveat does not exist with Jeffery Brown’s newest
installment in his Incredible Chang-Bots series.
The subtitle, Two Point Something
Something, says all you need to know about Brown’s intentions with this
release: it’s a lazy excuse for bonus content, whose subtitle is actually more
clever than nearly anything in these pages.
With two full books revolving around these characters, Brown
has clearly put in work with this concept. Throughout the adventures of his
borderline intellectual property violation he (lamely) parodies… you guessed
it, Transformers. On its head, the idea to parody Transformers is a no brainer;
unfortunately, Brown is probably the absolute worst candidate for this job.
The fun of a parody is reintroducing a serious idea with
clever, creative and at times, hyper-realistic circumstances and watching the
starting point crumble under the weight of scrutiny. Brown here does none of
that. The Change-Bots are not put into any qualifiedly difficult situations.
Their purpose or existence is never challenged. Their logical antecedents are
never toyed with. They do not even have distinguishable characteristics. But
the biggest sin, an utter inexcusable depravity, is that they are not funny.
Wow. What an
incredible Dues Ex Machina. ROLLING! HOW DID NO ONE EVER THINK OF THIS?!
Seriously, the jokes here are about as punch-y as clouds. It
is difficult to find even a single gag that doesn’t fall into antiquated puns,
nauseating obvious entendre and an utter lack of linguistic flexion or
originality.
Get it?
Because he’s a calculator. GET IT?!
But, since this is a Point
Something Something edition, there is a lot more than just terrible jokes. This
new addition acts as a collection of,
well, everything. There are letters from Brown’s original fan club, rare disclosures
regarding the early stages of the Change-Bots, fan art, comic strip interviews
with the characters and blueprints for possible Change-Bot action figures. As
it stands it is more like a director’s cut of canonized Sunday strips than a
focused graphic novel.
But there is nothing eye-opening about this director’s cut. We get sketches, but they don't elucidate on anything important. We have quips of primordial influence, but little in the way of pulling back the curtain. Regrettably, the most telling morsel on page 102 admits more than it should: “Although there has been some
interest from film and TV… nothing has come to fruition…” Hm...
But there are moments when it seems that Brown attempts to break the mold. Specifically, midway through the book when he conducts interviews with the Change Bots.
Considering the laissez faire attitude of this whole mess, an interview section
seems like a wonderful opportunity to give us some character dynamism. But,
nope, Brown seems bent on disappointing the reader on every page.
The interviews revolve around 3 main questions: a) What does change mean to you? b) Do you prefer being a robot or a vehicle? and c) invisibility/invincibility or flight?
That first question sounds perfect in theory. I definitely want to know what a Change Bot thinks about change, they must have such unique perspectives on it! But the responses that Brown’s Bots give are as exciting as accounting. Change Bot Rusty’s response sums it up: “Change is the difference between a current state and a previous state of being.” How enlightening. How creative. How so very scintillating.
This is one of the better ones, bit sad too.
The whole thing is so bad that it had me wondering if maybe this book
was intended for a younger audience. But there are several clues to the
contrary.
The first fully-fledged story in the work involves falling
in love. Two robots, the green pickup
truck Honkytonk (male) and the police cruiser Siren (female) are used as foils
for classic romantic tropes. There is sexual imagery that leaves a tad to the
imagination, there is infidelity and insecurity; very adult stuff that kids
wouldn’t appreciate.
The genius stroke occurs when, after years of dating, Siren
admits that she may “have rust.” It’s a promising moment: creating allegorical
illusions to human issues is what a Transformers parody should be all about!
Oral Oil Change!
Where's Waldotron?
But this can’t save the work. It just softens the death
knell. More so because, besides for the occasional 2-page spread, most of the
panel construction is orthodox, evenly separated with similar margins
throughout. There are an unseemly amount of silent panels wherein Bots blankly
stare at each other, one such strip ending with the beaten horse of a
punchline, “Well, this is awkward.” It just feels so lazy I can almost taste
the potato chip dust on Brown’s sweater.
Frankly, it is hard to believe. Brown is no stranger to
parody. His incredible Star Wars releases are nothing short of gems. Vader and Son and Goodnight Darth Vader are both New York Times Bestsellers. All of
his corresponding Star Wars reworks have shown he knows how to rethink and
reform an existing institution. So why does Two
Point Something Something fall so flat?
In a way Brown may answer it himself in the book’s back
flap. He writes, “Incredible Change Bots:
Two Point Something Something collects a staggering amount of rare, hard to
find and perhaps unnecessary Change-Bots Comics.” Like a 3-hour bonus disc of Stevie Nicks singing variously funky
renditions of “Dreams”, 'unnecessary' is the key qualifier.
